Cute glamper for sale!

It’s time for me to sell my travel trailer to make room for different life adventures!

1963 16ft. Vintage Shasta Airflyte, 2000lbs, 21 ft long from hitch to rear metal rack, 6’2” interior height, Original 3-burner propane stove with oven, ice box, 20 gal. water tank, 2 propane tanks w/cover, restored in 2017 – added Fantastic Fan with Rain Guard, 12V battery with charger, sway bar, chains, new electricity and gas lines – all in working order.

Extras include Mid-Century Modern Space Age themed items, “Jetsons Theme”, custom matching plaid awning (brand new!), metal rack on back, spare tire, mini fridge, ice maker, kidney shaped coffee table, cooling fan, space heater, brand new car side mirror extensions, porta potty, 2 zero gravity camping recliners, coffee maker, Official Shasta Clock, and much, much more.

NO bathroom, NO A/C, NO furnace, nothing to winterize!

Back window has leak, needs to be resealed. Back indoor panel needs repair. NO title as Kansas does not require one for trailers under 2000 lbs. Taking offers. Email melanie@happytrailsalong.blog

“I Can See Clearly Now the Pain is Gone”

I’ve been craving healing since I got back from my trip in October. I’ve been grumpy, irritated by little things, and prone to mood swings. In addition, I’ve been in severe pain. This pain is everywhere, but hits me hardest in my lower back and right hip. My sciatica is also irritated on my right side. Sometimes, all I can do is cry. I do everything I can to find relief including daily exercise (even in pain), eating right, seeing my Physical Therapist, seeing my Psychiatrist, and keeping up with other healthcare appointments. I’ve been trying acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, food supplements, meditation, relaxation, and Tai Chi. I tell you this so that you can get a glimpse at what someone with debilitating chronic pain (so that they can’t work) lives with daily. We aren’t lying around all day eating bon-bons since we don’t have full time employment. I have worked hard every day for over 18 months to be able to accomplish my dream of traveling in my vintage trailer. My body and spirit still lags behind.

There are good days and bad days. People with chronic illness and pain know this pattern well. One day you feel like you can accomplish anything, and the next day you’re laid up in bed. One day I feel like the Dementors have stolen my soul and committing suicide is the only option, and the next day feel the cloud lift. Many times I forget that my current state is temporary, and I do have more good days than bad.

I have been very down on myself that my dream isn’t coming together. When depression happens, I retreat into my own little world. I make attempts here and there at connections with friends, but, in general, I block out the world. I don’t journal or write. I feel badly that I have not been able to be there for some friends that have been going through serious health challenges. One friend has had a stroke, another had a terrible fall which required major surgery to repair her arm, and a lifelong friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Others may be struggling with issues that I don’t know because I’ve isolated myself. When I finally come out from under the dark, low hanging clouds, I realize I need to pay more attention to the people I care about.

While the physical and emotional pain isn’t completely gone, I can see so much more clearly now. I’ve had to get help. Some serious help. I’ve been embarrassed and ashamed at my behavior and how I’ve treated my family and those closest to me. I tell you this because I want this blog to be about awareness of life’s struggles. I can only tell my story, and I tell it with the hope that someone will find they’re not alone (or maybe that I’m not!).

I leave you with a couple of thoughts. If you know the words to the song “I Can See Clearly Now”, you’ll know the next line is “All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I’ve been waiting for. It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.” Sometimes we all need this reminder of hope and that good times, they are a comin’!

To Dream the Impossible Dream

As a recent empty-nester, I’m reinventing my life. My dream is now being put into action! For my my first official adventure in my 1963 Shasta Airflyte travel trailer, I went to visit my son at college. I wasn’t sure how the visit would go since we haven’t been communicating very well for a long time. I intended to go for Family Weekend in September. I made it clear to him I wanted to come, but I expected to be treated more kindly than he had been. After an awkward conversation about this, he said it would probably be better if I didn’t come. My heart broke again. A few weeks later, I asked if I could come later in the Fall, and he agreed! I had no idea how this was going to go, but I wanted to try. My plan was to see him and then head to the desert southwest for the winter. I planned to fly home to see him during the holiday breaks.

Let me jump to the good part – he was a changed person! When I arrived, he greeted me with a big smile and a hug – a REAL hug. This was the kind of hug that shows you love someone – wrapping your arms tightly around and pulling them in – holding them long enough to express your warm feelings. I had not had this kind of hug from him since he became a teenager. I stayed wrapped in his embrace as long as I could. Tears flooded my eyes, and joy filled me. This hug said, “I love you, Mom.” Be still my beating heart! My little boy still loves me (and so does this tall man!). I will remember that hug for the rest of my life.

For those of you who are struggling with having a child leave for college, there is hope. They are embarking on a journey that we can’t control, manage, or supervise, but that’s OK. They need this time to learn to become an adult. Mothers kept telling me to give him space, and he would eventually appreciate home and the love he will always find here. I agonized that this would never happen.

We spent some time together over three days. I was astonished to see a man that was confident, composed, calm, anxiety-free, friendly, and willing to share his life. My heart feels full as I dare to think I did something right. His manner never wavered during my visit, even though we got lost in the city, stuck in traffic, tried to unload his things I brought (computer and bicycle) in the driving rain, and even when I had a meltdown at the mall when my energy ran out and my pain was too fierce to go on. He was patient and kind with no trace of the attitude of the kid I dropped off in August. I was so happy to see him so thoughtful and mature. My heart burst knowing he was adjusting well and thriving.

This trip, however, was much harder than I anticipated. I planned the trip to be a week. It took me two, and I came home a mess. This was my trial run, so I knew it would be a challenge and a learning experience. My mother talked me into leaving my dog, Happy, with her as she thought it would be difficult enough without having to worry about him. I reluctantly agreed, so Happy did not trail along. I was sad about that, and I felt like I was cheating or something because this is, of course, my adventures with HappyTrailsAlong! Turns out, she was right. I had enough trouble taking care of myself.

I planned to leave on Tuesday, then it turned to Wednesday, then Thursday, and I eventually left on Friday. I was going to drive 6 hours the first day, and then about 2 hours the second. I don’t know why I thought I could drive that long by myself!?! I tried doing a little each day before I left to get ready. On Friday, I was up at 6am to get this party started! I needed to do my regular morning exercise routine (approx. 2 hours), pack the trailer, and hit the road as early as possible.

With my disabilities, I work a little, then rest, work a little, and rest. I keep going, but it takes me longer than most. I had to carry heavy items out to the trailer and make many trips back and forth. My mom helped me as she was able. As the hours went by, I wasn’t near ready to go. I was exhausted. At lunchtime, I realized I wasn’t going to make it before noon. I took a good break and ate at home instead of on the road. My back was killing me. Fatigue was setting in, and my right hip throbbed. I remained persistent. I finally packed the final items – mostly food – because I can’t just stop and eat anywhere with my food allergies. At two o’clock, I was ready to hitch up to my car. I was getting close!

I was very tired at this point; I knew I needed to make different plans for the night; Driving six hours was no longer an option. I changed my plans so that I would be driving just two hours that day, and I would stay at a hotel.

I have had some practice with the hitch. I like to do it myself because it gives me an opportunity to improve and remember all of the steps. That day, I made just about every mistake I could trying to get the trailer hooked up. I backed the car up just to realize the lock was still on the trailer hitch. Pulled forward. Got out. Corrected the problem. Then, I kept turning the handle for the stabilizer in the wrong direction. I didn’t get it high enough the first time and bumped my car into the trailer when I backed up instead of aligning it properly. Then, I spent 15 minutes trying over and over to position my car correctly to the trailer hitch. Pulled forward. Got out. Corrected the problem. I finally got it aligned only to have trouble adjusting the height again on the stabilizer. Pulled forward. Got out. Corrected the problem. My mom and Happy thought this was about to be the moment to say goodbye, and they waited watching me patiently. Each time I made a mistake, I had to get in and out of the car to adjust it. I’d have to bend over and check if I had done it right, and start over again when it was off. After an hour of this nonsense, I was done. I went in the house to take a break. I had never had this much trouble! Even though I hadn’t gone camping, I had to hitch and unhitch every time I took it in for repairs or got it in and out of storage to work on it at home. I had practice doing this a dozen times by now. My frustration and anxiety and pain were through the roof. My mom didn’t know how to help, as much as she wanted to.

When I was rested, I went out to try to hitch up again. This time, only two tries! I attached the chains and sway bar, and I was ready. I thought I’d be fine when I got to sit down and drive. My drive would have been 2 hours, but it was rush hour – on a Friday. And I still needed to fill up the tank. I was determined to do this, so I hit the road on my first solo adventure.

The next morning, I got a fairly early start to the day. Thunderstorms were expected. As I got on the road, the storms started, and I was paralyzed in fear. The rain was driving down, and there was poor visibility. I clenched the wheel trying to keep in my lane and staying at a slower speed. Tears started coming from the anxiety and stress.

I needed to do something. I needed to call someone who could talk me down; Someone with experience pulling a trailer; and a friend who knows me well. My friend Vickie fit the bill. Fortunately, she picked up, and she was wonderful. Even though she was busy with her kids, she took the time to explain the criteria for pulling over if it was too bad, talked about appropriate speed in the rain, and assured me that I could do this. I felt better. She also encouraged me to stay somewhere for the night and not to push it.

After I got off the phone (hands-free, mind you), I put on my audio playlist called “Road Trip”. I’ve been working on this for a year. As I dreamed about this adventure, I would find songs about traveling and being on the road and add them to my list. I have almost 4 hours of music on just that one playlist on my phone. I listened and tried to get strength from all of the daydreaming I had done while compiling and listening to these songs for inspiration. I was doing it! I gave myself a pep talk about how I was living my dream, and I knew there would be days like this. I felt a little more confident, but the rain wasn’t letting up.

I fully enjoyed the actual camping. The people at the campground were very helpful. I had trouble getting the trailer parked and hooked up, and several people came to help. There were people of all kinds and rigs of all sizes. One of the people that helped me with the electricity ambled over in overalls (with no shirt, pant legs rolled up unevenly, and one shoulder strap hanging loose), barefoot, and a toothpick in his mouth. It was Jethro reincarnated (I kid you not)! He was as sweet and friendly as he could be, but he explained in his southern drawl that he didn’t quite know how it worked. I ran into him later and thanked him for trying. We tried to have a conversation while he was out with his dog. The entire time, his 80 lb. pit bull barked and lunged at me. It almost got to me at one point. Terrified, I retreated to my trailer. I wasn’t thrilled with the local wildlife. I only talked to them when there was no sign of that dog. Yikes!

My neighbors had a half a million dollar Class A Motorhome and pulled a Jeep behind them as they traveled (when you pull a car, it’s called a “toad”). I can’t even imagine having something that large. They were kind enough to invite me to sit around the fire one chilly evening. We chatted about travel, our children, and being self-employed. At one point, they brought up a couple they knew. I repeated the names with astonishment. I didn’t know the woman, but I went to college with her husband! He’s a good friend on Facebook! This has always happened to me and my family. My parents ran into friends in St Petersburg, Russia many years ago! I loved that all different kinds of people coexisted at the campground with a very friendly spirit – all enjoying the great outdoors.

My trip home brought more challenges. After taking 8 hours to pack up at the campground, I was only able to drive 2 hours out of town. I stopped at a hotel to rest for the night. The next morning, I had so much pain I couldn’t walk. I stayed three nights before I could get my back and hip pain settled down well enough to drive. Two days later I made it home.

I’m not able to travel west like I’d hoped. I’m reevaluating my plans and trying to figure out my next step. Have I dreamed the impossible dream? For now, I will rest at home, get treatment, and feel a heart full of love for my son. I’ll be here ready and waiting to welcome him home for the holidays. My sweet boy has grown up, and he still loves his mom. In this respect, it was the best trip of my entire life.

When PANIC clouds the road ahead

I’m almost ready to take my first trip in my new trailer. I am having moments of excitement and moments of extreme anxiety. All of the dreaming, planning, and preparing to take off into the unknown have me wallowing in fear: doubting that I can do this, feelings of being unsafe traveling alone, running out of money, scared of everything associated with my disability. What if I get sick? What if I injure myself? What if My car or trailer breaks down? What if I physically can’t handle this? What if I mentally can’t handle this?

I have struggled with some depression and anxiety at different times in life. These feelings can come and go, but if you have ever experienced being in that head space it feels like you will feel that way forever. I can feel lost, hopeless, unloved, unimportant, a failure at everything, and worthless. I tend to start plotting my escape.

So am I fleeing now? Is this “big adventure” just a cover for the unrest I feel with my life? I could argue that this is not at all like the times I’ve fled before. This is well planned and not a knee-jerk reaction to a particularly depressive state of mind. But, that wouldn’t be completely true. I planned for this depression, anxiety, and despair. For over a year I’ve plotted out an escape for the intense feelings I knew would come. I wanted a distraction. I see empty nester friends doing the same thing in many different ways. Distract! Distract! Distract! Squirrel! Squirrel! Squirrel!

My challenge is that I’ve been experiencing an increased amount of pain in the past month. I have severe pain in my right hip that I can’t work out some days. I have trouble walking across the room. I have not been able to get myself or my trailer ready because of too many of these days. Having a working right hip and leg is pretty important for driving across the country, don’t you think?

I will try a shorter trip to see how I do. Although, I’m yearning to get to the desert southwest to see if the climate helps my pain. It’s GO time, and I’m having cold feet. I hope my next post will be from the road. I know this will be a tremendous a challenge. I’m counting on my support system to help me in times of stress and rejoice with me in times of triumph.

Are you in? I hope so, because I won’t be able to do it without you. Who wants me to pack you along for the ride? Onward Ho!!!

Letting Go – Kicking and Screaming

The whole existence of this blog came from the life-changing event of my only child graduating from High School and leaving for college. I drove him to college two weeks ago, and I haven’t been able to blog about it until now. My heart is shattered. I’m lost. I’ve cried every day. I’m grieving. That about sums it up.

I sobbed as soon as I got in the car to leave. I’d managed to hold it in all weekend, but I couldn’t do it any longer. I knew it would be hard to leave my son at a college over 8 hours away. After all, I’ve been thinking and writing about it for a year. I did not, however, anticipate how the last moments would unfold.

I packed a whole car full of feelings to bring with me on this journey. This trip would culminate my full time job as a mother. I have been raising my son for almost 19 years to become an adult. I hope I’ve done my job. I have been passionate about it. I have taken it very seriously. Sometimes too seriously.

I could not have prepared more for this moment in time. When faced with a new challenge, I always do my homework. I check out every book at the library on the subject, search the Internet for articles, talk to others, join Facebook chat groups to seek out others in my situation, journal my feelings, and research, research, research like I’m preparing to sit for orals for a Ph.D. I’ve done this my whole life and it’s how I raised my son every step of the way. At every turn, there was a teachable moment, and I wanted to be ready. I was far from perfect, but I was trying my best.

My son wanted no advice on what he might need for college or help packing. I wanted to look into any accommodations they might offer because of his health challenges. He made it very clear he wanted a roommate just like everyone else. He didn’t want to be singled out as different. So, I backed off, knowing he could face some difficulties, but realizing he would have to find a way to deal with it himself.

I read some tips on how to help move-in go smoothly. I was not to help him arrange his room or make his bed. I was not to make suggestions. I was to be there if he asked for help and nothing more. I was not to make a big deal out of my emotions. There would be no crying at every turn about my baby leaving. It was suggested that I have a small care package with a letter to give him to open after I left. I did all of these things to my best ability. I wanted to make the weekend a very positive experience and leave with him knowing how proud I was of him. (He did ask for help making his bed – YES!)

The school runs move-in with military precision. He was given a 7:15am time slot to be in line at the staging area for his dorm. As we waited in the line of cars, some students came to greet us and offered to paint the car windows with school colors and slogans. They asked for his name and wrote it in big letters across the rear window. More students greeted us as we lined up in rows to wait for our turn to drive to the dorm. He got his room key and was told his roommates would be moving in at the same time. I chatted with parents in the other cars as we waited. All of a sudden, it was our time to pull out. Our row of cars pulled up to the curb by his dorm. Over a hundred students lined the street clapping and cheering “Welcome!” Loud music added to the festive atmosphere. The students were there to help the first-years move in. They told my son to step back and not to lift a finger. In minutes they had the car unloaded. At the same time, another person told me to stay with the car and directed me to parking. By the time I turned around, all those kids and my son were gone. We were the last ones in line. As I pulled out about all of those kids cheered, waved & welcomed us. So much fun! I honked the horn a few times, and they went crazy! I was in a terrific mood.

By the time I parked and took the shuttle back, my son and his roommates had already arranged the room, lofted the beds to put their desks underneath, and had claimed their space. He’s in a triple, so adjusting to not just one but TWO roommates is going to be a challenge. Since there are three of them, they do have a very nice, large room. There’s a bathroom right next door. My son got busy unpacking. He seemed happy and was pleasant. We met his RA’s, the Faculty Head of House, and even the Vice Provost. We went to get his books and supplies from the campus bookstore, and looked around the quad. Then, I went back to the hotel to rest before dinner and a welcome event with his academic Dean.

On Sunday, I went back to campus for breakfast. My son was in a terrible mood and extremely irritable. He snapped at me the whole time. When I gave him a care package to take up to his room, he rummaged through it saying ‘What is this? I don’t need this stuff.’ I asked about how the first night went he just said, “Fine.” I asked about the floor meeting that first night. Was it fun? “No, it was just a meeting.” He shared nothing about his first night on campus. He also refused to share a copy of his schedule, and acted put out when I asked him to give me his mailing address. Any other questions I asked he would say, “That’s a stupid question; I’m not answering.” He agreed to some pictures before we said goodbye. I told him he could call me anytime if he needed anything. He indicated he would NOT be needing anything. I told him I’d miss him, and I teared up just a little as I hugged him. He said we could keep in touch, but pointedly reiterated not to call him with stupid questions. That’s the last thing he said to me as he walked away.

I knew leaving would be difficult, but I didn’t realize I would be leaving what appeared to be a very unhappy young man. The school offered Parent Orientation and discussed communication with your child. On the schedule for the weekend, it specifically noted the time to say goodbye to your child. Then, we would go to our orientation, and the students would go to their own orientation. We were not to linger on campus, our children would be busy and unavailable.

Orientation was very helpful. All of the parents were in our own headspace trying to keep it together as we listened to the experts. The Residential Life staff focuses on education and helping the students figure out things for themselves. When they call home when there’s a problem, we should just say “Hmmm. I’m sorry to hear that. What are you going to do about it? Well, let me know how that goes!” Tears ran down my face as I sat in the packed auditorium. I was pretty sure I would never get that call. I worry that my son won’t ask me or anyone else for help. There are a ton of resources on campus, but will he find what he needs?

As I sat in my car after it was all over, the pain hit me. The tears came. I was at a loss as to what to do. My expectation was that I would be dropping off a happy kid off on a new adventure, but that’s not what it felt like. Eventually I gathered myself and hit the road.

He didn’t make any contact with me for over a week. What a relief when he finally called. He said he was doing well and talked a little about his first week. I tried really hard to be supportive and not drill him with questions (another suggestion we got at the Parent Orientation). Thankfully, he didn’t sound unhappy at all.

I guess he didn’t know what to say or do when it was time to say goodbye. He may not even have thought about what that moment would feel like. I felt like a failure for raising a man who turns harsh and mean instead of expressing his true feelings. In true fashion, I jumped back into research mode. I learned that it is very common for boys to express themselves as irritated and angry when they are being bombarded with emotions. For someone who doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, he was experiencing so many powerful and conflicting thoughts that it made him irritable. I think he was also afraid of my feelings. He may have been expecting a big scene and didn’t want to have to cope with seeing me cry.

So, he didn’t see me crying, and he may never know what that moment was like until 25-30 years from now when he takes his own child to college. He can never really know what it’s like for a mother to leave her child behind. As I drove, I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw his name emblazoned across the back of the car. Tears welled in my eyes again. I was putting more and more distance between us as the cord that binds us stretched out for miles. It finally snapped when I stopped for gas and started scrubbing the back window as hard as I could. I couldn’t take the reminder any more. Tears ran down my face as I thought about this new chapter in our lives. With the window wiped clean, I looked at my reflection with the realization that the cord was now severed. The time had come for both of us to make a fresh start and take on adventures of our own. I was left with one thought that I couldn’t help crying out “I’m still your mother, damn it!” Whatever that means. . .

“There’s No Place Like Home”

After three wonderful nights camping in Colorado, it was time to head back home to Kansas. When I finally got on the road, my first stop was, yes, Walmart. Again. What is so nice about stopping at a Walmart is the huge parking lot. You can park in two spots in the back of the lot and not have to worry about backing up. I do have challenges with chronic illness, and I was having some trouble with back pain. I lay down my yoga mat beside my car in the parking lot and did my stretches using my foam roller. I must have looked like the lady who had fallen and couldn’t get up because several people stopped abruptly to see if I was OK. I just waved them on smiling and saying I was fine. I looked like a tangled up beached whale flailing around on the asphalt, but I didn’t care and it helped!

Packing up the last morning I felt more tired than usual, but I kept going. Jerry, my new Twitter friend, texted me after a couple hours & warned me about severe weather in my path. He suggested pulling over for a few hours. This would mean some night driving as it was getting late in the day. I don’t like to drive at night, much less in an unpredictable storm, and I didn’t feel well. I bailed and found the nearest hotel. I realized I was pretty sick because my voice was completely gone, and I was coughing up green phlegm nonstop.

After a good sleep, I got back on the road. I still felt terrible, and could not speak above a whisper. I usually chat with anyone who comes in my path, so this was really cramping my style. Jerry and I couldn’t communicate except through text messaging. When I arrived in Colby, I texted him that I had found an urgent care clinic open the next morning and would he please watch Happy while I saw a doctor? Jerry was a tremendous help. He took care of me the whole day. He offered to take me to Urgent Care, agreed to watch my dog, and drove me all over town on a wild goose chase trying to figure out where they sent my prescriptions. (Ok, the “town” isn’t that big, but still!) At one point I had a complete meltdown from exhaustion & the sticker shock at the expense of my meds. He was calm cool and collected even though it was very difficult to communicate since I had no voice. Even whispering was a strain. I’m so thankful for his help.

The doctor told me I had Bronchitis, gave me some medications, and told me to rest. I stayed In Colby another night and tried to get home the next day. It wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t have the energy, so I stopped again in Salina for two nights. I finally made it home on the 4th of July in the early evening. I was happy to show off my new purchase to family and friends. Several people have even called to invite themselves over to take a look! I think I’ll have an open house when I get it fixed up and I’m ready to hit the road again.

I’m posting this latest blog entry in August because I’ve been sick since my trip. I developed a sinus infection that I haven’t been able to get rid of. Right now, I’m on my 4th antibiotic. My initial illness was most likely due to allergies. I’ve got my trailer in the shop being looked over for any mold, but Colorado in the summer has a number of environmental allergens that could also be the cause.

I learned quite a few things on my first journey. My health will still be a big challenge, but I will just take things slowly when I face challenges. I will need to develop a community, so meeting up with people will be very important. Safety on the road is of the utmost importance. I couldn’t drive over 62mph and still stay steady when trucks whizzed by. (I am having a sway bar installed to help with this.)

In less than two weeks, I will officially be an empty nester. (Yikes!) Despite my challenges, I’m still going forward with my quest. In the coming months I’ll be traveling to Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, and I plan to winter in the desert southwest. I hope to meet up with you along the way!

Meet Jetson, my new travel trailer!

This is my new home away from home! A 1965 Shasta Airflyte Trailer I found online at vintagetraveltrailers.com. Jetson is completely renovated (not technically “restored”), and I’m in love with him. The decor theme is right out of the 60’s cartoon “The Jetsons” with a retro space age feel. Think bright blue and lime green accents against a white wood interior. With updated wiring, new memory foam mattress, and plenty of storage, I already feel comfy and settled. Lots of original features make him one of a kind, including an original gas stove and oven, icebox (note – not refrigerator), and the original Shasta logo magazine rack, exterior paint, and brand plates. I picked Jetson up in Boulder, Colorado this week. Already, it’s an adventure into the wild unknown.

My son and I moved in with my mother a year ago. At the time, I separated out things that I could use in an RV – daydreaming of this day. I stored dishes, plastic cups, pots and pans, dish towels, utensils, and such. My son got down the boxes for me in the garage when I decided to drive out and get Jetson. My three boxes were labeled “Melanie’s RV” on top – I smiled. I’d forgotten I’d done this. You can see that I’ve had this in sight for awhile.

It will take several posts to tell about my trip. Let’s start with my list of what NOT to do when traveling:

• Get a late start in the morning. I pulled out on the second day of my drive to get my camper at 12:30. I was tired & my back hurt from a long drive the first day. At home I’m used to doing 2 hours of physical therapy and exercises first thing every morning. I’m going to have to get up much earlier.
• Forget to put more ice in the cooler so that most of your Trader Joe’s food spoils. I can’t eat fast food due to allergies, and eating out in general is difficult. I like to travel with my own food. I’ve been subsisting on sunflower seeds, bananas, lentils, sunflower butter on rice cakes, and fruit. I need veggies!
• Drink electrolyte water nonstop so that you are constantly looking for a bathroom. Sigh.
• Forget that it’s going to take hours longer to get to your destination than what Google maps says – especially if you’re traveling by yourself and with a dog. I also like to chat with fellow travelers – another delay!
• Stop for gas and pull out the nozzle before stopping the gas flow. Get gas all over your jeans. (Can we say distracted?!?)
• Arrive late to Julie’s house (the seller) because you piddled around and hit rush hour traffic in Denver, almost missing the essential help of her friend Sean.
• Park the trailer too close to a large tree and a rock garden. Julie had Jetson parked in her driveway so that it wasn’t blocking her garage. Her friend Sean was there to help me hook it up. He managed to get it stuck (literally between a rock and a hard spot!). A good number of people from the neighborhood, a pick axe to move rocks, a heavy-duty jack to lift it up, and some braun and patience were required before it cleared by mere millimeters. A Shasta has unique “wings” on the back to complete it’s unique style. I wanted those intact! A handy carrier on the back makes it a little longer than you estimate which added to getting into a jam. Only in Colorado would someone have neighbors with a 4 ft. long and 2ft. wide pick axe, a 5ft. tall heavy-duty jack, and several people with advice to complete the job!
• Stop at Walmart for supplies and go around the block 3 times trying to get back on the road because you don’t know how to back it up. Yes, my very first stop was at a Walmart. A bit cliche, as the first thing people who know nothing about recreational vehicles will tell you when you say you’re traveling in an RV is, “You know, I heard you can stay at Walmart!”
• Hit the road with a broken taillight so that you have to roll down the window and flash the arm signal every time you turn left. Every time. Looping around Walmart, all three times with my left arm hanging straight out.
• Don’t move into your new camper BEFORE getting to the campground so that you’re good to go. Bed needed to be made, basics moved in, Happy settled, all at the end of a long day.
• Pull into your campground/campsite after dark in the boonies with no clue as where your site is or how to hook up your trailer. I specifically requested a pull-through site just to be safe. Again, I circled three times in the pitch dark not seeing any signs before a security guard found me and led me to my site in his golf cart. I’ve tent camped before, so I just pretended I was camping in a very nice tent with a flashlight. The bed was very comfortable, and I was so exhausted, that I completely crashed. When I got up in the morning, I discovered I was surrounded by BIG rigs that have no choice but to have a pull-through site. My little trailer was awfully cute next to these monstrosities.

     Despite a few rookie mistakes, I’m THRILLED to have accomplished this goal. Things are slowing me down, but I expected that. I didn’t think that solo traveling was going to be easy as a disabled person and #spoonie. I figure I can be tired and in pain at home watching TV or be tired and in pain on a fabulous journey!

I woke up my first morning at the foot of the Rockie Mountains. How cool is that!?! When you’re from Kansas, you drive and drive across the state until all of a sudden you get close to Denver and voila! There are mountains! No more flat prairie with tumbleweed, but beautiful mountain scenery everywhere you look.

I now know I have friends all over the country that I’ve just never met yet. Jerry & Sandy, friends on Twitter, who I got to meet in person as I stopped on my way through their town; Beverly, a fellow solo female traveler that was next to me at the gas station doing the same thing I was, checking her car for hail damage from the major hail storm we just passed through; Pete, a guy who told me my left taillight was out while I was parked at Walmart; Linda, Richard & Lauren, my next door neighbors at the campground; Cale, who helped me set up my trailer and get all systems going, and all the people who helped rescue the trailer when it was stuck. I think I’ll always keep in touch with Julie. She’s wonderful and gave me lots of extra items for the rig. She checked on me the next day saying she woke up in the middle of the night worried about me. She’s going to follow my blog to see where her trailer goes!

I have found people who will offer to help for no reason but kindness. Cale was working on the rig next to me when I started chatting with the family in it. He heard me talking about my challenges because of my disability and that I had purchased my trailer just the night before. When he finished up with the neighbors, he came over to ask what he could do to help me. He gave me a cord so I could access the electricity, stabilized my trailer (too dark to do it the first night and too tired to do it the next day), unhitched my car so I’ll be able to go do some errands and get food and ice without pulling the trailer, and gave me his card saying not to hesitate to call if I need anything at all while I’m here. He said he admired what I was doing and didn’t want any money for his help. I may need him to hook Jetson back up on the morning I leave (very early in the day, mind you!).

I’m so happy. I posted my news on Facebook, and the responses were great! Lots of congratulations and some advice on being safe. A high school friend commented, “Omgosh, it’s beginning!” and tagged another friend. The three of us celebrated our 50th birthdays together last year, and we all had goals we were considering for this milestone. (Note: They achieved big things too this past year!) A college friend I spent last 4th of July with in St. Paul, MN texted me this morning, “Wow! You were not kidding when you said you were going to begin a great adventure. . . You have always flown out of your comfort zone. I admire your tenacity!” Julie sent me a video of Happy and I pulling out of her neighborhood noting “The first drive!”

I’m doing it. I’m really doing it. Now, I just have to get back to Kansas in one piece. . . I think I have heard I can click my heels. . . 👠 Oh, and I’ve got to get that taillight fixed!

Evidently, I have the “Clings”

     Wow! I did not expect this. The last month has been very emotional. I didn’t know what to do, much less write about it. I can write about the sadness, but admit to struggling with a kid that wants nothing to do with me? NO WAY. This post tells how I got over myself and how you can too. 

     At first, when school was out, my shy son became so social he seemed like a different person. He went to more parties and events in the 2 weeks around graduation than he went to in all of high school combined. I couldn’t believe it! I was happy for him and glad he was having fun. I stepped back on the rules knowing he’s a good kid; I trust him; I know his friends are good kids that aren’t into alcohol or drugs; and I do have the all important “Find My Friends” app that tells me where he is at all times (lol!) – yes, he knows this and can track my location as well

     As summer set in, a normal routine started to take shape. He’s working full time as an assistant for Robotics Camps for kids. Suddenly, his mood changed – he’s got “attitude”. He stays in his room most of the time, and doesn’t see friends. He doesn’t want to talk to me. He doesn’t listen to my concerns – particularly over his health. This scared me. We’ve had some rough moments. As is my habit, I wanted to get away and just let him be. I even got out my suitcases one night, bawling and announcing my departure. I couldn’t take him being so mean, refusing to sit down and talk to me, and fighting me on getting help. (We live with my mother, so he wouldn’t be completely alone.)

     I felt better the next morning, and I didn’t abandon him. I sought help from friends, other moms, and Facebook groups of fellow empty nesters. I took time to digest advice, perspective, and comfort. It helped. Turns out, I have the “Clings” – an intense desire to get closer to my son before he leaves home. He, on the other hand, has an intense desire to pull away and emotionally separate from me. He has anxiety about going college, leaving his family and friends, and proving he can manage on his own. I learned this is completely normal. In fact, if I’m honest, I went through same thing when I left for college. I just can’t remember how overwhelming those feelings were. 

     I’ve now stopped micromanaging. He needs to know that I trust and believe in him. I need to set boundaries, but I also need to stop drilling him. As in, “Did you get the housing application done? Did you call those two other students that friends recommended for a roommate? What about a private room? Did you get your allergy shot today? I set up an appointment with a nutritionist so you can find out more about how to handle your food allergies. I set up an appointment so you can talk with someone about your anger, depression, and anxiety. Let’s take a trip together, when and where should we go? Is what you’re eating gluten free?” I fired questions at him every time he appeared. Every time he fired back, “No! Stop bugging me!” No wonder he got so annoyed with me. I’ve been so anxious about making sure things are perfect, I couldn’t let anything go. 

     Faced with all of the feedback I got from friends and strangers, I have changed my ways. I don’t want his last weeks at home to be stressful and contentious because of me. I apologized to him and told him I would back off. I told him I would never abandon him. I told him I love him with all my heart. He reacted positively, so I think we’re on the right track. Now. . .it’s time to take care of ME. I need to find someone to talk to, find new activities to keep me busy, and take a girls weekend to relax. Now that I know better, I can do better. 

Upcoming blog posts:

Finding happiness through forgotten hobbies. 

Book recommendations.

The explosive combination of menopause and an empty nest.

Exciting plans for the next year for me and other moms. 

Why I default to leaving when things get rough. 

Check out my adorable new travel trailer! 

How I managed to cure my chronic pain and fatigue in the last year. 

Note: If you enter your email address and click on “Follow”, you will automatically be notified of new posts. 😄

Hanging with the Green Ghost

     Outside my bedroom for a couple weeks there’s been a shadowy ghost hanging in the doorway. My son’s kelly green graduation cap and gown have been haunting me every time I pass – as a reminder that we’re in the countdown. It hangs, waiting for my mother’s expert, loving hands to iron it, my son to don it, and to march down the aisle to commemorate the day. 
     I’ve been doing some reading about parents who are also on this journey to an empty nest. The grief is real and shows up in mothers more than fathers. Women also grieve differently. This grief can begin long before your child walks out the door – long before the green-robed ghost appears in your hallway. It has with me. 
     My thoughts about this upcoming period in our lives started about a year ago when I turned 50. My son and I were living in a lovely townhouse in an end unit that was surrounded by trees and grass. We lived close to his school, shopping, and other family members. Our home was the perfect size for the two of us. We had been enjoying our space for about 4 years, but it was becoming a struggle. I became unable to work due to chronic illness, and I needed to come up with a plan for my son’s Senior year and beyond. Grief began as changes needed to be made. 
     The solution was for me to sell my home and for us to move in with my mother, just 1.5 miles away. I knew money would be limited when I no longer received child support. I knew that I would have to move regardless. This way, my son would have a space in my mother’s house he could call home for his Senior year, and he would have a home to return to during college. It’s worked out well for the most part. I enjoy my mother’s company, and she seems to delight in making her grandson a hot breakfast every morning. We all get a little grumpy at times, but such is life. By sharing a “home base”, we will all be able to go our different ways in the next year, yet still have a grip on the strings that tie us as a family. 
     In my planning, I wondered what would be next for me? While I felt the impending loss of my son leaving the nest, I decided to set a goal of being able to do some solo traveling beginning in the Fall of 2017. My son’s life will center around college, but maybe I could take off on my own adventure! Just one tiny problem – I’m disabled because of a chronic illness. Ok, it’s a huge problem, but I’m determined. For the last year, I have been focusing on my health and the challenges I need to address in order to make this dream happen.
     I have Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Sjogren’s Syndrome, and back and hip pain. On top of that, I was a front-seat passenger in two separate rear-end car accidents within 6 weeks in 2015. This caused major setbacks in my ability to function. I’ve always loved traveling. I’ve always dreamed of living in an RV, seeing the US, and visiting friends across the country. My partners were never enamored by the idea. Could I do it myself? I’ve held steady to this dream for the past year, endlessly looking at RV options online and videos on YouTube. I think having my living space with me at all times will enable me to take breaks when I need to lie down, stretch, do my PT exercises, and to eat healthy foods. 
     Getting myself physically, emotionally, and financially ready to travel would be the main challenge. I’ve made great progress toward my goal. I am sad about not being with my son, but I want to look at my journey to an empty nest as an adventure! I hope you are making plans for the next stage in your life. I remember listening to some motivational cassette tapes years ago, and the speaker wanted you to repeat a phrase whenever you felt hesitant, anxious, or stuck. I’ll never forget his mantra to sing on such occasions: “Oh, what the hell, go do it anyway.” Try it now. Put your fingers on your temples and chant these words 3 times. Who knows what will happen? For me, I may just be clicking my heels and getting the hell out of Oz. . . for awhile at least. 

To my Son on Graduation Day, 2017

     When you started Pre-K, I was amazed to find out that they referred to you all as the Class of 2017. That seemed absurd, and such a long, long time away! Yet, here we are, and I’m in awe with all of the hours and days, and years that made this moment happen. 

     You are about to embark on college years that you will remember for the rest of your life. Life charges forward, and you’ll never go back. Treasure these moments today and onward. All your dreams of college will come true as you begin your life as an adult.

     I want you to know how grateful I am to be your mother. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m so proud of you, and you should stand proud as you walk across the stage to receive your well-earned diploma. I hope you will find down the road that your experiences at the school where your father and I, your aunts, and your grandmother attended have helped shape the person you become. You have been raised with an emphasis on mind, body, and character. I see these qualities in the man I know today. We are all works in progress, but you have a good foundation on which to build. Cherish the past as you embrace the future. 

     My wish for you is happiness. If you can make that your life’s mission, it will serve you well. Be confident in yourself and know that you can do anything. I know from your intense curiosity you will find ways to succeed in being a lifelong learner. This is where I continue to find happiness – challenge yourself!

     I leave you with the words you heard before bed every night growing up: You are the most precious boy (now a man) in the whole wide world, and I love you.  Congratulations on your graduation! I will miss you dearly. 

Love, Mom